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Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons...
There are two large spires. In the center of those spires is a piece of the Axe of Mirabar armor.
And surrounding them are three floating jars with brains inside.
All three of you here allow rumble as these zombies on the other side of the main entrance
and kind of looks like it's bending as the zombies behind are trying to push their way into
this room. And the blue, its jar erupts and the brain falls to the floor with a splat.
And I go, somebody curve stomp that thing.
We shoot it twice in the head to make sure that it's dead.
Lara, you hear your communicator and Salazar's like, we just dropped some armor off
with those soldiers out there. They're suiting up right now and should be heading in to try
and help you out with the hordes. Lara, it is your turn as the groaning
sounds like it's getting closer to the door.
Fuck some shit up. By what you mean.
Hit a stone pillar. You crack the stone that's making this statue.
It kind of sounds like the zombies themselves. Their groaning
fades and then comes back a little bit. I'm gonna hit that pillar again.
You strike this pillar and it, the same way as the other one, crumbles into dust.
And the sound coming from the other side of the room stops.
I'm just gonna throw a little produced flame.
The fluid inside of the jar begins to boil and it erupts. The brain sizzles and falls
to the ground. All the brains in the room, jars have exploded and are dead.
The spires are all crumbled to the ground and it sounds like silence on the other side of the
door. You guys get out into the daylight and Torgar says, you guys are good. You guys are good
fighters. I want to, for the acts of Mirabar, commit us to help you when you need us.
Sounds like a good plan. Wasn't there a river or something?
I think we have to go back and see Makkath in Luskin.
You begin down the river. You see ahead a large, lush forest that now stands out like a sore thumb
in the land of devastation. At the edge of the forest, you see a bridge that looks to be blocking
the river. And on that bridge stands a single gnoll. You're going to pay toll to get by.
Boys, we got company.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons. We are a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast. I am
your Dungeon Master Russ More and with me today is Amy More.
Did you seriously just blank on your wife's name?
Well, no, I just didn't know who I was going to go with first and then I panicked
because I didn't have one already teed up ready to go. Amy More, who do you play?
I play Thea Amastasia, who is also not impressed with you for getting your wife's name.
I didn't forget. I just didn't pick one.
Anyways, who else is here? Carla Johnson's here. Who do you play?
I play new Laura Moonbrook.
And Tom Laird.
And I play Flint Firebeard.
Welcome, guys. How are you?
Thanks for having us, Russ.
Yeah.
Doing well.
This episode comes out August 30th, which will be the wrap up of our Patreon launch month.
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get some extra bonus content as well as some other cool stuff on that there website.
Yeah, it's all cool stuff.
It's super cool stuff because because Tom is running a super cool campaign.
That episode came out on the regular channel a couple weeks ago.
And so you've probably heard it by now.
But if you want to get any more of that game, you've got to sign up on our Patreon
page, become a patron of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Featuring three new characters and a DM who kind of doesn't know what he's doing, but he's trying.
You fake it really well, bud.
Excellent.
New segue.
We are in their stride.
Hey, we've done it.
We've turned on the mics and now we are awkward human beings.
Just like always.
People listen in because they like how real we are and are so socially inept,
even with one another.
Yeah, it would be weird if they tuned in and we like actually had our shit together
for a change.
Wouldn't that be odd?
Like if I wrote things down, like I'm going to say this really clever thing
when Russ introduces me.
It's never like that.
It's always like, uh, yeah, I am Amy.
I always hope that maybe one time somebody will like come up with like a joke or something.
I mean, we've only been doing it for now 20 episodes.
Russ's birthday is coming up soon, you guys.
We could do something.
I was just going to say that like it's kind of Russ's birthday soon.
Like maybe we could.
Don't tell Russ, guys.
It's a secret.
Okay, no, yeah.
I'll take my hat off.
Nobody tell Russ.
Okay, so we'll pick it up.
At the edge of the forest, you see a bridge that looks to be blocking the river.
And on that bridge stands a single gnoll.
As your boat drifts forward, the gnoll calls out to you.
You're going to pay the toll to get by.
Boys, we got company.
And out of the bushes step three more gnolls, two with spears, one with a flaming torch.
They walk into the middle of the bridge and they stop and just stare at you.
As you hear a thunderous crash, as something takes what you can only assume
is an enormous lumbering step through the surrounding trees.
I pee my pants.
I don't.
I'm just kidding.
That's not canon.
That didn't happen.
The gnoll calls out to you.
He says, we need your gold and your weapons.
Then you can get by.
I call back.
All that?
They kind of look at each other confused and say, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, all of it.
All of it.
Oh, like every piece?
Like every, every single piece.
No.
And there's another thunderous crash as you see the trees.
I'm imagining like we're not like right up to it yet.
Like we're coming up to it.
So it's like, I really pictured it.
It was just really funny.
I wasn't sure where you were going with your like all of the questions.
Oh, shit.
That happened in character.
I started laughing because it was really funny.
I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
You hear another thunderous crash and the trees at the edge of the forest
begin to shake and part and out comes the snout of what looks like a large dinosaur.
What?
What kind of dinosaur?
Tyrannosaurus rex comes barreling out of the trees and beside the river
being ridden by another gnoll.
I thought you were going to say by being ridden by another smaller Tyrannosaurus rex.
So Dumbgeons and Dragons is not crazy town.
Well, there's T-Rex in Dumbgeons and Dragons.
What do I know?
Dinos on dinos.
Oh, man.
And how many original gnolls were there?
There are four on the bridge.
One riding a large Tyrannosaurus rex now in view.
And what color is the Tyrannosaurus rex?
Is it covered with feathers?
No, no, this one is not covered with feathers.
More scaly Tyrannosaurus rex.
Hold, please.
Can Addison say what color the Tyrannosaurus rex is?
Daddy just said that a big T-Rex came out of the forest
and Carla wants to know what color it is.
Can you choose the color for us?
It's pink.
Of course it is.
Can you come and say it into the microphone?
No.
There is a pink dinosaur.
Pink dinosaur that has come out of the trees
being ridden by an angry looking gnoll.
He should be not angry.
He should be happy.
He's riding a T-Rex.
Get your priorities straight, gnoll.
He's probably less angry about riding the T-Rex
but more angry at you guys and having not paid up.
It's a pretty baller move
to be riding a fucking dinosaur.
So just enjoy it, man.
And they all draw their weapons and say,
you're going to pay up now?
Still, no.
No.
Jesus.
This is easier with different people.
That is, I think it's Dumbgeons and Dragons colon.
This would be easier with other people.
Yeah, I think that might just be the tagline for this whole thing.
At least in Russ's mind.
I don't think we have any gold
but I'm sure not giving it to these dummies.
I think I really do have gold
but I'm certainly not giving it to these dummies.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure we have gold.
I'm sure we do.
I definitely have a dope flaming sword
that I'm going to stab something with
rather than handing it over.
So I have 390 gold pieces, 162 silver and 704 copper.
You're rich.
And he calls out, I hear you have 390 gold pieces.
Hand that over.
Nine-year business.
All right, roll for initiative.
Yeah, we're not.
We're not having any of this.
Seven.
17, 18.
14.
Okay, he says, well, you don't pay.
We sink your boat then.
You sink our boat?
I cut your throat.
And it's your turn, Thea.
I think it's a good one.
Sassy today.
Amy came to play.
I did.
She's fighting in rhyming couplets.
I am.
Okay.
Here's what I'm going to do.
How far are we from this boat?
You're far enough that you can yell.
So you're like, you're 45 floating towards.
45 floating towards.
All right.
Well, I assume this is a wooden bridge.
It appears to be wooden.
Yes.
So I cast flaming sphere right in the middle of that bridge.
It's a five-foot diameter.
All of the gnolls are standing in the middle of the bridge.
So you'd probably hit.
Are you like in the middle of the bridge?
Like through the planks?
Or are you trying to hit the gnolls?
I'm trying to hit the gnolls.
But if I set the bridge on fire, it's just okay.
So yeah, you'd probably hit two of them.
The one who was talking to you and one of the others with one of the spears.
Oh, wait, did we?
Okay, so those creatures must make a saving throw against the sphere's damage.
Dexterity or?
Yes.
So the guy who was talking to you, he gets a six.
And the other guy gets a 12.
And that also doesn't work.
So they both get 2d6 flame damage, fire damage.
So that is seven damage.
So your sphere comes up in the middle of this bridge.
Like half on top, half on the bottom.
Hurts the guys on the top.
Yeah, and strikes the main gnoll and one of the others carrying a spear.
And they take the seven damage.
But also the bridge sets a blaze and is starting to burn down now.
Good.
Now it is the dinosaur's turn.
Guys, I should have attacked the dinosaur.
I kind of want to ride it.
Okay, so the dinosaur is going to run over.
This is a large dinosaur.
Like he is a huge beast, which is...
We're thinking T-Rex from Jurassic Park.
Yeah, oh yeah.
It says it occupies a space 15 by 15.
But yeah, he's probably on the high end of that.
So it's a big dinosaur.
So he's going to come over and he's going to jump into the river and swing its tail at your boat.
Russ, I'm going to need you to pipe in the Jurassic Park theme song.
Sure.
Are we allowed to do that?
Well, I'll find something that sounds similar.
Yeah, it'll be fine.
No, I want the exact song.
Can we hum it?
All right, I'll send the bill to you there, Tom.
Wait, we have to pay for things?
I know, right?
I don't want it anymore.
So he is going to swing its tail and that is going to hit for 3d8 plus seven damage on your boat.
20 damage to your boat.
So your boat isn't a large boat.
So the side of the hull cracks under this pressure and begins to take on water.
Now it is Nularaaais.
Great.
I'm going to cast Animal Friendship on the dinosaur.
Okay.
I'm going to say hey Dino, Dino, Dino.
Hey Dino, Dino.
And because even grumpy Nularaaais talks to animals in baby voices.
Oh, of course.
What is that dinosaur's intelligence?
It's not a very smart dinosaur.
His intelligence is two.
Perfect.
That means I can at least cast the spell.
He has to succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be charmed for 24 hours by me.
24 hours.
Look at that.
Okay.
So wisdom saving throw for this dinosaur.
Yes.
His wisdom is pretty good.
He's got street smarts.
Just not book learning.
So that's a 12.
And what I don't think I've ever made anyone do anything before.
Does that just go against my wisdom?
No, it goes against your spell save DC.
So on your spells page you've got the middle number.
That is a 14.
So it did not beat your spell save DC.
So it is now charmed.
What does that mean?
Do you get to tell it what to do?
Yeah, I think so.
It lets me convince a beast that I mean it no harm.
So I don't really get to tell it what to do,
but I don't think it's going to keep trying to hurt us.
That's fantastic.
Yeah.
So if you or one of your companions harms the target, the spell ends.
What do you say to this dinosaur?
I say, hey Dino, we're just real nice.
We're not going to hurt you.
I reach into my pocket and pull out a steak.
I don't know, I was going to say a small piece of something,
but it's a giant dinosaur.
I'm sure you've got rations.
Yeah, exactly.
Who doesn't have ribeye in their pockets?
We travel in found boat in style.
Just general like, shh, shh, shh, shh.
Oh, it's okay.
It's okay.
Throw some food at it.
Uh, so now we're friends.
The dinosaur, so it had its tail to you,
but it's kind of take a swing around and you begin talking to this
and casting animal friendship on it.
And you see it kind of look at you and then its eyes kind of soften to you
and gives a look to the gnoll on its back.
Like it maybe doesn't want to be ridden right now.
Your next thing.
How close is it to us?
Well, it just whacked the boat with its tail.
So it's pretty, pretty close.
Like on top of it?
Essentially.
Like right beside us, basically.
Yeah, it's in the river with you.
So I could attack the gnoll on its back.
You'd have to jump up onto the dinosaur, but yeah.
I want to, it's my friend.
All right, then yeah.
It won't even hurt me.
Okay, then I am going to attack that gnoll on its back.
Sure.
Uh, and that is, sorry.
I flipped my spells page for the first time in ever.
Bear with me.
So that is, uh, oh yeah, I got a plus 10.
So that's a 20.
Yeah, 20 will be good.
Okay.
And that guy gets 13 damage.
You leap up onto this dinosaur and swing your sword at it.
And he is perhaps a little startled by this event and takes your hit
and is knocked off into the river.
Sweet.
And now you are on top of the dinosaur.
So Donnie, while this is happening, is like kind of pissed at me
because I just made a new fucking T-Rex friend and he's like a bit jealous.
So I think he's not really going to even take a turn this turn
because he's mad at me and he's being a baby.
He's kind of just, he flew over to one of the trees and he's like,
fine, if she doesn't want me as a friend, I'm just going to let her die.
And exactly.
Was there a saddle on the dino?
Yes, there is a saddle.
Can I get in the saddle on the dino now that I'm on the back of it?
Yeah, absolutely.
But that's the end of your turn.
No more, no more messing with the dinosaurs.
No, that's all I like.
What more could I want to do, Russ?
All my dreams have come true.
Ride the pink dinosaur.
Now it's the gnolls on the bridge turn.
So the bridge is set ablaze.
So they are, the two that took the damage are going to actually
jump off the bridge and into the water.
The other two are going to,
they're just going to run off the side and down into the trees.
And then the one carrying the spear is going to throw his spear
at Thea on the boat.
Come at me, bro.
That's a 17.
Yeah, it just barely hits me.
Five damages.
The spear comes out of the trees and strikes you.
They are in the trees and you hear them kind of yelling out into the trees saying,
we got some trouble, guys.
Trouble, trouble at the bridge.
And now it's Flint's turn.
All right.
How far away are these guys when they're in the trees?
Your boat has is now taking on water,
but it's still floating forward.
So you're within 30 feet from where they were within radius of 30 feet.
Okay.
I would.
And am I able to see them still or are they like hidden?
You can kind of see them a little bit.
They're kind of poking in and out behind the behind the trees.
So but you can see about where they are, but not a direct line of sight
if you were to make any sort of ranged attack.
So I don't have a clear shot at them is what you're telling me.
Yes.
All right.
How deep is this river?
That comes up about halfway up the thigh on the dinosaur.
So it's probably way over your head.
I'd say it's probably like five to six feet deep in the middle.
Okay.
Is there I have my Smith tools with me.
Is there any way I can like repair the hull of the boat as we're going?
You could certainly do give it give a try.
Yeah.
Maybe make a I guess that is a strength attribute that you have associated with that.
So yeah, but I just your Smith's tools.
That's your proficiency with your Smith's tool.
So just make a Smith's tools check and then you add that seven there.
Sweet.
I'm down with that.
That is a 22.
22.
So you are able to with some of the extra materials that are on the boat, you begin
to block up some of the water.
So it's taking on less water, but it's still still not doing so great.
It took a big hit from this dinosaur.
All right.
Is that my both actions or was that just one?
That's just one of them.
I guess.
Well, I can see those guys of where they kind of are over on the side.
Yeah, I'm going to unleash my lightning breath towards them and see if I can either hurt them
or get them the hell out of here for a bit.
Okay.
What's the range on your lightning breath?
30 feet.
Of course it is.
You did say they were about 30 feet away.
Yeah, I did.
So yeah, that's that's totally cool.
Excellent.
All right.
Since I've never done this before, what do I roll, Russ?
Or do I roll anything?
Yeah, you kind of accidentally did it that one time.
So yeah, but I didn't roll it.
No, no.
Yeah, okay, can I see that?
My notes say eight plus con modifier plus proficiency.
I don't know what that means, but that's what I've written down.
So breath weapon.
When you use that, each creature in the area of the exhalation must make a saving throw,
the type of which is determined by your draconic ancestry.
The DC for this saving throw equals eight plus your constitution modifier plus your proficiency
bonus.
Okay.
So they have to make a save and you have lightning.
So that is a dex save.
Yeah, it says dex save.
So you would probably be able to hit two of them depending on which side of the river
because there's two on each side of the river.
Okay, I'm going to go for the side that does not have the dragon or the t-rex in
the way at all because I don't want to hurt it.
Yeah, for sure.
So that would be the right side of the river.
Okey-dokey.
The so-called leader and the guy who threw the spear.
Okay, they have to be 16, by the way.
The leader gets a 17, the other guy gets a seven.
So he takes a full brunt, but the other guy takes half on a successful save.
All right, would you just like one damage roll for the both of them?
Yeah.
Okay, 13 damage.
So I guess six to the leader.
Yeah, you hear them kind of let out a dog-like yelp from behind the trees and
your lightning also sets the tree on fire as well.
Oops.
Yeah, it is now Thea's turn.
I'm going to move that big old fireball.
Who can I see within my like who is whackable?
You're still in the boat, staking water.
The bridge is fully ablaze.
You can see there's the dinosaur kind of the right to the left of the boat.
The gnoll from the top of the dinosaur has been knocked down into the river
and is floating towards the bridge now.
And there are two on either side, semi-hidden behind trees.
Okay, I'm just going to like delay moving my sphere.
And I will jump from the boat toward the edge of the water.
And in midair, change myself into a large monstrosity of a winter wolf.
So I do that and I change into the winter wolf and I go sprinting into the forest.
I move very quickly, speed of 50.
So I'm going to like whip over there and I'm going to bite the first gnoll.
Okay.
And have to roll that.
15.
Hits.
Okay, cool.
So he gets 2d6 plus 4.
Five, four, nine, so 13 damage.
And he has to make a saving throw, strength saving throw.
Or be knocked prone.
And you guys, you guys, I have something called cold breath.
It's a 20 on the save.
Well, then he is not knocked prone because it does take my damage.
Okay, you leap from the boat and midair you take in the energy of
the surrounding trees and you morph into this huge winter wolf.
And you sprint in the blink of an eye over to the edge of the trees
and sink your teeth into the leader gnoll.
And he takes that damage, but you aren't able to knock him down.
Way to wild shape.
Thanks.
It's the first time you've...
No, that's not true because you've changed into a rat.
And a bug.
And I think maybe a small lizard.
First battle you've changed into.
First badass thing I've changed into.
Okay.
I couldn't be squashed with a book.
So it's the, that's all you, you know, okay.
Because I'm, I'm delaying my...
Well, yeah, it's a bonus action on your turn though.
Okay, so I'm just not using it for now.
It's just going to continue to burn the bridge down.
Okay, it's the dinosaur's turn.
So it's, it's taking your, your suggestions there, Nulara.
Oh, I mean, that's cool.
If you're clapping.
Whatever, no big deal.
I, so there's two on the side of the river that I'm on.
Yeah, two onto the left side.
Flint and Thea have both attacked the gnolls to the right.
Perfect.
So, I mean, it'd be just real great if that dino could get me over a bit closer to the land.
So that I can attack on my turn.
I assume I can't get him to like fight for me.
Because that seems crazy.
I mean, if you let me, that's great.
But what's gonna happen?
I mean, he would have otherwise attacked you.
So I, if you want him to try and attack something.
Do you think the gnoll just had cast animal friendship on him?
And then I did it better.
So now he likes me better.
You don't know.
Perfect.
You don't know that.
Well, let's fucking get over there.
And that dino can use his big tail to try and knock over a gnoll or two.
Sure.
Whacking gnoll.
Oh, hey, also amazing fact that has never come up before.
Because I don't think we've ever fought gnolls before.
They are one of my favorite enemies.
Which I just opened the book to read about and like basically gets me nothing.
Unless we need to track them or something.
But I just wanted you to know that I looked it up for us.
So I knew.
I appreciate that.
We have fought gnolls before, but that was in Brozen Dragons.
Oh, that was in Brozen Dragons.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
Right.
Well, I didn't know that.
And then Carla said something about them being her favorite enemy
and how Russ never plays against favorite enemies.
I don't remember any of that.
So here's your gnolls.
Okay.
I really appreciate it.
Okay.
So what do you tell the dinosaur to do?
What should I call the dino, you guys?
I don't have a good dino name.
I'm drawing a complete blank.
I'm only coming up with things like Rex.
Rexy.
I like it.
No, that's fine.
New Laura is not like, you know, she'd say something clever,
like something like she's not clever like Fia.
I think she would be like, okay.
Okay, Rexy, let's go over there.
Let's knock those gnolls over.
What do you think?
And I'm like, you know, petting his neck.
And Rexy runs over to the edge of the forest
and then he's going to attack those two gnolls.
Yeah, he runs over and swings his tail
and knocks down some trees in the way,
which the gnolls manage to get away from the trees.
But then he spins around and takes a bite
at one of those gnolls.
Hits for 4d12 plus seven piercing damage.
What?
I think he might just consume this thing.
You can roll that 4d12 plus seven if you want there.
Oh, my goodness.
Okay.
There is a saving throw for grapple,
but I don't know if we're going to get that far.
23, 35 plus seven, so 42.
Oh, my God.
It's the most damage I've ever doled out
and I didn't even do it.
Rexy grabs hold of this gnoll and bites into it
and it just explodes in his mouth
as he's shaking it like a dog.
Great.
Yeah, and that's Rexy's turn.
Now, Nularaaaia, it's your turn.
Yay.
Okay, how close am I to that other gnoll?
Probably pretty close, right?
Pretty, pretty close.
Okay, I'm going to try and hit him with my sword
from dino back.
24.
Hold on, you're trying to hit him
from the top of the dino sword?
Yeah, am I too high up?
Yeah, you're probably too high up.
Okay, can I slide down his tail
end of the Flintstone style?
Absolutely.
Okay, so I slide down his tail
and it kind of launches me up into the air
because I was real inspired by Thea's dope ass
mid-flight wolf change into.
So I'm going to fly up into the air,
off the tail like in the Flintstones
and then I'm going to try and hit it
with my sword on the way down
and I roll to 24.
And that's going to hit, yep.
17 damage.
You fly through the air
after your sweet Flintstones move
and take a huge chunk out of this gnoll.
You want to roll some percentile dice for me?
Yep, 82.
When you cut through,
you cut through and one of his arms falls off.
Oh God.
So that's the end of my turn.
Donny's still not really going to do anything
but he is a big fan of Rex now.
Like he is not even jealous anymore
because he just saw him
chomp the shit out of a gnoll
and he's so into it.
So he's going to go and like fly up
and land on his head,
try and like be buds with him.
Nice, nice.
Okay, then it is the gnoll's turn
and the gnolls,
having seen all of this massacre,
they scream to each other,
run boys, run!
And they start high tailing it into the forest,
all seemingly going in different directions
and there's still one gnoll floating down the river
and he's just kind of just letting himself float there,
trying to be as still as possible.
Is he floating face down?
T-Rex's can't see movement, so.
Yeah, so hoping that nobody sees him.
He's not floating face down.
He's just kind of floating on his back,
a little concerned in his eye
but they are using the dash action
to run away from you
so they run twice their speed
so they are now 60 feet from you
and it is Flynn's turn.
Wait, I thought they were all gone.
Well they're running into the woods
so you guys would now decide
if you want to pursue
or if you just wanna just leave it.
I'm happy to let them run away.
Me too, yeah.
If we wanna track them,
then we'd have advantage
but I don't know why we would do that.
Woof woof.
I forgot she was a wolf.
Okay, so the encounter is done.
What do you guys wanna do?
Your boat is essentially,
it's on the bottom of the lake now.
Hey, how big is Rex?
He's real big, hey?
Yeah, he's real big.
Can my friends get on?
Can my friends get on
and we ride the dino down the river
to our destination?
Yeah, so you guys are headed to Luskin.
So yeah, if you wanna roll in.
Best game ever.
Sorry, D&D is so fun.
I will run alongside.
Oh yeah, you're still a wolf.
And I did this
and only got to do one thing
so I'm just gonna stay a wolf for a while.
Just seeing how long I can stay a wolfie.
You, Flint and Nulara
are riding this dinosaur
as you tromp through the forest
on dinosaur back.
And Thea's running alongside
as her winter wolf.
And you are traveling through
and Donny's able to telepathically communicate.
And he shows you, Nulara,
images of how these gnolls
got ahold of this dinosaur.
And you know that there are dinosaurs
in the world, obviously.
But you yourselves haven't seen
many of them, if at all.
You know they're kind of more
in a southern region of Faerun.
And you see packs of gnolls
surrounding this dinosaur
and its other dinosaurs in the area.
And taking them captive
and using them as weapons
and using them to extort money from people
and steal their weapons
and kill people.
So that is how the gnolls
got ahold of this dinosaur.
Well, that's sad.
It is sad.
We should stop that.
No wonder she hates gnolls.
Yeah, exactly.
No wonder she was so willing
to be our friend.
I think he was talking about you.
Oh, I was, but that totally works.
Well, now I really extra hate them.
Carla's talking in third person now.
Can Thea and Nulara even,
like, go forward knowing
there's a whole species of animal
that's being enslaved?
Yeah, like is that in the south
or is that like, I don't know.
Happening in the woods here.
Yeah, exactly.
Slavery in the south, hey?
Yeah, the images you saw
were kind of from
where they were more native to.
But through some of the images
you've seen them traveling
through Faerun.
So this is where they have ended up.
So they're safe to assume
that there may be an encampment
in the area, but you didn't see
many images of a specific
encampment in this area.
Oh, but they did call out for
help at one point.
Yeah, yeah, totally.
Because they knew how intimidating we are.
Just kidding.
Amy, I think you're right.
Like, character wise, I can't imagine
that the ranger and the druid
who are like so in love with nature
are like, no, this is fine.
Yeah, no, it's not going to fly.
And now we have a dinosaur
of our very own.
Exactly. Now we have
a new dino best friend.
So can I, I guess, assume
all of this happens like
via me to Donnie to Rex and back?
Like, if he knows where they are
or I'm saying he and she,
I don't know if it's a boy or a girl dino.
We're not that close yet.
Sure.
So is there a way to find out
like where this might be
or if she can take us there?
Donnie converses as much as he can
with the dinosaur and he tells you
that she thinks she can lead us
to where the encampments are.
If we want to go see what's going on there.
Theo lets out kind of a high whine.
Like, agree.
Flint, what do you think?
Oh, I'm on board with
whatever you guys want to do.
Okay.
Let's go fuck up some gnolls.
The dinosaur takes a turn
into the forest and to the left
and leads you through the trees.
And after traveling a little ways,
stops a ways out.
And then Donnie says that
the encampment should be not too far out.
But I told her to stop just in case,
you know, setting off any alarms or anything.
Can Donnie fly in the direction
of the encampment
and like do some recon for us?
Yeah.
Sweet.
Donnie flies in above the trees
and then down into where
he comes across an encampment,
which is about in the direction
the dinosaur was taking you.
He sends some images back
that he is seeing telepathically to you.
That there appear to be
what you can count up as 15 or so gnolls.
And there are three other dinosaurs,
one Allosaurus and two Velociraptors
that are tied and held in their encampment there.
So real fucked up ending to land before time.
Yeah, this was the director's cut.
It turns out they didn't like it
for the children's movie.
The gnolls don't appear to be set off by anything.
So they are just kind of going about their business,
eating scraps of meat
and squabbling amongst themselves.
What do we want to do?
Do we just want to like barge in here
and just go nuts?
Yeah, I mean, maybe like a sneak attack
would be would be good just to get advantage.
I can run in behind them very stealthily.
Oh, yeah, you've got the super stealth.
I was thinking we could,
because it'll be hard to get a sneak attack with Rex.
But the three of us,
well, the four of us with Donnie could go
and then, you know,
just tell Rex to wait a minute and then come.
Yeah, I could kind of circle around
and come in from behind and cold breath.
I don't know whoever is within a 15 foot cone of me.
I like it.
I'm on board.
Yeah, this this sounds like a good strategy.
You hop off the dinosaur
and start making your way towards where the encampment is.
Make a perception check, everybody,
as you're going through.
14.
17.
Is that real?
Sorry, I guess 22.
I guess I have a plus 6 to perception.
I'm trying to like it's it's only on that lower list, right?
Oh, shit.
I got all kinds of perception.
Okay.
Yeah, it seemed so high.
So, yeah, 22 for me.
About 40 feet out from where you think the encampment is.
Nularaaaa, you see laid out in your path there
and you stop short of a what looks like a net trap.
And Thea, you're running around and you see off to the side
and where you are getting close to where you want to enter.
You see a trip wire.
What looks like it connects to a log fall trap.
But you see these and you're able to bypass them.
You make it to the edge of the encampment.
Thea, you make it.
Can we coordinate a surprise attack from both ends?
Yeah, I mean, you can use Donnie
as kind of a telepathic go between.
So yes, Thea, you see you come into the
into the backside of this encampment
and you see you are where the three dinosaurs are.
So there's the two velociraptors and the allosaurus
tied up and then there are three other gnolls guarding
but they're more just kind of hanging out by these dinosaurs.
Nularaaaa and Flint, you come to the side
where it appears that it's kind of like the cookout area.
They've got something on a spit over the fire
and they are kind of tearing pieces off of this chunk of meat
that they are all eating around.
So the bulk of them are on your side
and then there's just a few back by the dinosaurs where Thea is.
How wide across is the encampment?
It's in a clearing of the trees about 60 feet
and there are some crude built tents set up around this fire
and into some of the other areas.
Remember these dinos don't know that we're their friends yet.
Yeah, I was thinking like,
maybe I could just go and bite through the ropes
and I was like, nah, nah, nah.
Maybe we want them tied up for the first little bit.
Until Rex gets there and is like, these guys are cool guys.
Okay, so Thea looks around and looks for where
there is like the biggest clump
because I want to hit as many with my cold breath as possible.
But close to you, there are three gnolls kind of in it.
Within a 15-foot radius?
They're kind of just, you know, gnoll conversing.
They're like, oh, did you see the thing that happened
that gnolls really like?
I know, and I saw it the other day
and it was like crazy, crazy, I know.
And then one of them punches the other one in the face.
He's like, that's for stealing my meat, Grog.
Okay, I don't know, think really loud to Donnie.
Sure, you guys probably talked about it prior to.
And a one, two, three, go.
I like it.
Thea jumps out from the forested area
and runs towards the three gnolls that are closest to her.
And before they are able to do anything,
she exhales a blast of freezing wind in a 15-foot cone
and each creature in that area
must make a dexterity saving throw.
The highest one's a 12.
And then a 10 and a 11.
They had to beat a 12, so.
He takes half.
Everyone else takes four D8 cold damage.
Nice.
16.
So one of them takes eight damage
and two of them takes 16 cold.
I like that we're like in bullet time right now
because that just happened.
And we still get to go, but it's all at the same time.
Okay, so what are you guys doing at the same time?
Flynn, do you want to go?
I feel you haven't got to do anything dope this round.
Sure, murder some people, get in there.
Well, hello again.
It's me, your Dungeon Master, Russ More.
Thank you for joining us and continuing on this journey
for episode 20 of Dumbgeons and Dragons,
titled Anole in the River.
How do you like those dinosaurs?
Pretty crazy, huh?
We love D&D and its ability to do some crazy bonkers things.
Makes it so much fun.
I don't have a lot to chat about today.
I just wanted to focus on the wrap up
of our Patreon launch month.
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Let's, uh, let's coordinate on something.
Okay.
Like you're, you want me to throw you?
He just says up seas.
He just says up seas and you like throw him into the...
Well, I was thinking we could both like
run out there at the same time
and like hack some people down.
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
I like this idea.
Russ, how many, how many of them are near us?
You see 10 of them kind of clustered around this food making area.
Okay, I would like to run to where there's like three or four in a,
in a small area.
So they're all kind of surrounding me.
Sure.
But I will come in axe swinging.
Okay.
Say 23 on my first attack roll.
Okay, so that will hit.
Nulara, what are you doing at the same time?
Same thing.
Just running in with that dope ass flaming sword.
Okay.
Yeah, I assume like another small cluster or the, you know, similar.
That is, uh, 17.
17 will hit.
Okay.
Excellent.
So yeah, you guys run in.
You're gonna roll me damages.
Do I ever?
Eight and six is 14 and four is 18 damage.
15 damage for me.
At the same time, Thea charges out and releases her cold breath,
killing two of the gnolls and injuring one of them who lets out a loud yell.
You, uh, Flint and Nulara, you charge into this cookout area
and the ones that are kind of facing your direction,
see you and panic, but not before you strike into, um, each a cluster of gnolls.
And Flint, you manage to kill two gnolls and knock a couple others to the side.
And Nulara, you kill one gnoll and knock another one into the flame.
And they all are kind of running about yipping and yelping.
And let's roll for initiative.
Uh, over here, it's set three, by the way.
Um, here it says cold breath.
And then it says recharge five, six.
What does that mean?
On your turn, you roll a D six.
And then if you roll a five or a six, you can use it again.
But if not, it's dead.
Yep.
I had an 18 Russ.
I had an 11.
Say I want to use my cold breath and I roll a four and I can't,
can I still use my bite?
Yeah.
Or am I just gonna like, oh no.
And then my turn's over.
You roll to try and recharge it and then you can choose what you want to do.
Even if you recharge it, you can still use your bite.
Okay.
Thank you.
Oh, so you guys, I speak, I can speak common as a wolf.
So I've just been growling.
You've just been fucking with us.
I have been.
So I yell over, good job, you guys.
I mean, in her defense, it's the first time she's done this.
So true.
I don't know how to be a wolf.
I can be a wolf for three hours.
It's very fun, but you're like a giant wolf, right?
I am, it says underneath Winter Wolf, large monstrosity.
Love it.
Clint, you're up first.
Okay.
Around you, there's Nularaaaa knocked one into the flame.
You knocked two to the ground.
So they're closest to you.
You've killed two and then there are more kind of running and scrambling,
a few within range, but they're kind of running and scrambling,
yelling out to the ether that they are being attacked.
Okay, I will run after one of the ones that's somewhat nearby me
and give the old, like, across my body full swing axe blow to
basically try and cut them in half.
Sure, yeah.
That is a 17.
17 will hit, yep.
22 damage.
You cut him a nice hourglass figure.
So yeah, he's running, yelling for backup and you swing through
as he turns just to look as the axe of yours cuts through clean and he falls to the ground.
Is there another one near me or are they all a little further away?
Some of the ones are a little further away.
There's still the two on the ground
and then there's probably at least one more within your range though.
That's up.
Alright, I will take a swing at the one that's near me then.
I'd say 15.
15 will hit.
Hey, there we go.
21.
You swing through and clean cut through this other one
and on the backswing you come through and you roll me a percent all day.
Alright.
Now that's both of the ones, right?
Yep.
89.
On the backswing you come through to this other one
and catch it with the back end of your axe and crush its skull
as it flies across into one of the tents.
Sweet.
It's the dinosaur's turn.
I imagine like a female gnoll coming out of the tent being like
that stain's never gonna come out.
That's exactly what happens.
So it's the dinosaur's turn.
So one of the velociraptors lunges towards you, Thea,
and the rope is just long enough that it's able to attack you at the very least.
Hope Rex shows up soon.
Yeah.
It is going to try to get a hold of you for, that's a 22.
22 is gonna try and bite you.
You have my challenge rating or my armor,
but I'm pretty sure it's not a 22, so that hits me.
It's going to try.
It's not gonna be able to jump on top of you, but it will bite you.
And that's going to get...
And that's gonna hurt.
It's not gonna feel good.
So you get 2d10 plus four damage.
Well, thank God I have all those hit points.
Oh, never mind.
It takes 10 piercing damage.
10 piercing damage.
And the other ones kind of are just jumping about
on the end of these ropes that they're tied to.
And then it is Nulara's turn.
Sweet.
I got that flame and sword going,
so I guess I'm gonna keep working with that.
Keep that fire burning.
That's a 23.
Going six, eight damage.
Those were almost the worst rolls I could have had, but that's okay.
I will try again.
Sure.
And do better.
No, I won't, because that is a 14 for an attack roll.
14 does not hit.
So this one is kind of just out of range.
You nick it once, but on your second swing,
it manages to just get away from you.
Just a little bit there,
and you kind of singe its fur with your flame.
Can Donnie try and chomp him?
Yeah, absolutely.
Donnie does not chomp him, because Donnie got a 13.
Donnie does not chomp him.
Chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp.
Okay, it is the Gnoll by the Dinosaur's turn there,
and he, after yelping for help,
sees that his whole camp is under attack,
and he runs and dashes into the trees.
So did he give us like one star or five stars on Yelp?
This is a solid one star from customer satisfaction.
That's fair.
Now it's the Gnoll's by the Cookout's turn,
so there are about 10 Gnolls figuring out what to do there,
and three of them are going to come at Flint with their Spears.
Two of them are going to shoot crossbows at Thea,
and two are going to come with Spears at Nulara.
So the one's coming to Flint.
So a 22, a 23, and a 15.
The two in the 20s hit.
And then you will take nine piercing damage off of those guys.
The crossbow shot at Thea, that's a 14 and a 13.
My armor class is 13.
So you take them both.
Okay, I take them both.
And you take 9, 10, 11 piercing damage off of two bolts being shot at you.
And then Nulara, two are coming at you with Spears.
Not well, though.
That's only eights for both of them.
Perfect.
Love those guys.
And then the rest of the Gnolls are evaluating the situation,
but they choose to flee to the forest as well.
Pussies.
Now it is Thea's turn.
Thea charges toward the Gnolls that shot their crossbows at her.
Wait, is there a bigger clump of Gnolls?
There are three attacking Flint.
There are two kind of in the middle of the compound
who shot the crossbows.
There are two on Nulara and the rest are scattered.
I will see if I can recharge my cold breath.
I can.
So I recharge that because I also want to get away from the Velociraptors
because a little too close for comfort.
So I run quickly toward those two and stop at the appropriate distance
to cold blast them so that it's hitting only them in my 15-foot cone
and not the others.
Because they're in the middle, right?
And there is like two 5k.
Yeah.
Don't want to cold blast my friends.
So I do that and you have to make a Dexterity saving throw, please.
Well, that's a five.
The other one's a natural 20.
Okay, so natural 20 will take half.
Yep.
My 48.
25.
The one that takes the full damage is frozen in place.
The other one...
Yeah, he's dead too.
They're both dead.
Oh, they're both dead.
Yeah.
Okay.
Nice.
Yeah.
As you cold breath, all of you begin to feel a rumble coming from the trees
and it's coming quickly.
And Rexy bursts through the trees as four more gnolls are coming out of one of the tents
saying, what's going on here?
And then they take a tail and just get swiped and knocked into the trees as
Rexy lets out a huge roar.
It's back to Flint.
Okay.
How many of these gnolls are kicking around nowadays?
There's two on Nularaaaat, three on Flint, four that have just been tail swiped into
the trees and the rest have scattered into the trees.
So there are five currently who still have not run.
Okay.
I will take on, I guess, the one nearest to me out of the three.
Sure.
That's an at 20.
Yeah, it is.
I'm just going to say, how do you kill them?
How do you murder them?
He sees a glint in my eye and he knows as I walk towards him that his death is meeting him
and he just falls over dead.
I don't even have to hit him.
His heart stops from sheer panic and he's dead.
Okay.
That's awesome.
Now moving on to the next one.
That's a 14.
14 will not hit.
You're a little bit high on yourself on this one, just looking a guy to death.
That's fair.
You just skim the fur of this other gnoll beside you there.
The dinosaurs who are tied up there are pulling at their restraints and you see
the stakes beginning to pull from the ground a little bit, but they aren't out yet.
And Nularaaaa, it's your turn.
And there's two on me?
Three on me?
There are two still on you.
Great.
Well, I'm going to attack one of them.
Oh my God, I rolled a nat 22.
How do you kill this one?
You can roll the damage if you want to, but pretty sure it's going to be dead.
I can't think of anything dope.
Flint just killed something by looking at it, so I can't really match that.
I'm just going to run off and chop its head off.
I thought you were going to say I'm going to run off into the woods and just leave on
the high note.
Because he's going to die of natural causes.
Of course.
So I boringly chop his head off with my flaming sword.
Yawn.
And then I'll attack the other.
Oh, that one not so good.
13.
13 does not hit.
So again, I mean, you guys get a good first strike in,
but then fall apart at the last half.
We got to stop being so damn cocky.
Totally.
Can Donnie go over and try and like chew on the ropes of the like, does it?
I mean, you want to let them go?
Well, but now like, aren't they Rexie's friends?
How does dinosaur culture work?
Please explain to me.
Make a history check.
Okay.
Or a nature check, history or nature.
Yeah.
Whichever is better.
I'm good at nature.
How am I not good at nature?
Oh, I'm not that good at nature.
I got a 14.
You know that if these dinosaurs are all friends, for lack of a better term,
that you could probably tell Rex to communicate that somehow.
And that might help.
But that the way they're acting now is they're trying to attack
anybody they can get close to.
Okay, fair enough.
I don't want Donnie to go over there.
I flash you my wounds.
My velociraptor wounds.
Well, but Rexie hadn't showed up yet then.
So it was like pretty fair.
But no, I still, you're right.
They're like rampaging.
Probably shouldn't send little Donnie over there.
So he's just going to try and chomp the one I whiffed on hitting.
He does much worse and gets a five.
Okay, that's good.
You could still communicate that message to Rex if you were so desiring.
Yeah, that would be great.
I mean, yeah, I guess Donnie would be like,
tell your friends we're your friends.
But with a better accent.
Many are left living, not many.
I think two.
Yeah, there's one on me still.
And one on Flint.
There's two on Flint.
Oh, there's two on Flint.
Yeah, those gnolls, they cluster and they all go for Flint.
He did just kill one of their friends by looking at him.
So it's true.
Yeah, he did.
One's a 20, one's a 22 and one's a 10.
Only six damage taken from their spears.
But then after they hit you,
they see that it didn't really do all that much and they too begin to run away.
So they make it 30 feet from where you are.
And it is Thea's turn.
So they are.
Bring them closer to me.
Yeah, one of them kind of turns blindly and is running in your general direction.
Poor guy.
No one should run in my general direction.
I do not recharge my cold breath.
Instead, I run at this other guy and jump to bite him in the neck, shoulder, neck area.
15.
15 will hit.
Sorry, 16.
16 will also hit.
Okay.
2d6 plus 4.
14.
So in its panic, it turns and begins running at you.
But in the last moment sees you jumping at it mouth open
and you bite into its jugular and it is dead too.
Rex manages to catch the other two with its tail and sends them flying across the
encampment and then communicates to the other dinosaurs to calm their shit
in a way that a dinosaur would obviously do.
How would that sound?
Then the velociraptors respond with like.
Exactly.
And they kind of they stop pulling at their restraints and all of the
gnolls are gone or dead and you are in this encampment with four dinosaurs now.
I change back into my human form.
I don't know if there was a sound effect that goes along with that,
but that's what I do and I kind of brush myself off and stand up.
I give the dinosaur a thumbs up.
What do you guys want to do with these dinosaurs?
Well, they're wild animals, right?
They are wild animals.
I guess and they seem calm now?
They have calmed down, yes.
Okay, so maybe me and Rexy walk over to them and they like are reuniting and I untie them.
Sure, you untie them and.
Eat you and you all die.
Yeah, and then you're murdered and then you're just eaten alive.
No, they all look, they all kind of look at you and give you just behind their eyes,
you see that there's a thank you there and unless there's anything you do to stop them,
they all work their way into the forest.
That seems fair.
Oh, before I want to take the saddle and stuff off Rex, you know.
Yeah, you managed to do that before they head out.
You rid them of their restraints and their riding attire, I guess.
Yeah.
And they go off on their way into the woods.
Wonderful, happy ending.
I can't wait till we hear the news bulletin
about this roaming pack of dinosaurs is terrorizing the land.
Any good loot in this camp?
How's that meat look?
Are we hungry?
The meat looks like it is an overcooked deer of some sort.
Deer?
Might be a deer.
Anything else meat in the encampment?
What else can we find?
Let me, there's a bunch of, there's a bunch of kind of not great weapons.
Those are my favorite kind.
You guys find about 200, equivalent of about 200 gold in gold and gems.
You find a bunch of not great weapons, some swords, some crossbows and longbows.
Nothing really great, but I mean all in decent condition could be sold if you wanted to do that.
Otherwise, there's not too much of huge value that it looks like these gnolls have gathered
from their riverboat conquests.
I would take a crossbow because I don't really have any ranged weapons.
Like I have a longbow, but that's it.
Use it much?
Like I have a bunch of weapons that are still on my paper thing and not in roll 20
because I never use them, but every once in a while we need a ranged weapon.
You have your pick of a light crossbow or a heavy crossbow.
The light crossbow's range is 80 to 320 or the heavy crossbow is 100 to 400.
Light, please.
So unless there's anything else anybody wants to grab,
I assume you just want to keep heading to Luskin.
Yeah, at least that's my vote and we'll just split that gold.
Yep, that sounds fine.
Yeah, for sure.
Cool.
You guys head back to the river and you find you are about three quarters of the
way through the forest, so it takes you about the rest of the day,
but you get out of the forest around dusk and you are right at the edge of Luskin.
Well, you've been there before, but it's a shabby kind of trade town and standing
right in the middle of the river is the post tower of the Arcane Brotherhood,
and the tower resembles a tree with four limbs or spires and you feel coming from it
a radiating, strong, magical aura and you have made it back to Luskin.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io.
Yeah, we got nothing.
We should like, we should say something.
He didn't take his headphones off.
It's all right.
I didn't have anything more to say other than we should do something for Russ's birthday.
Totally.
Yeah.
We can secret talk in role 20 if we ever were to log in, not when we're playing.
Yeah, do you guys know how to use the whisper function?
No, you click the button that says whisper.
Not true.
Okay, well.
There is still one like on like one of the original ones that you attacked as well.
No, you just told me he dashed into the forest.
Yes, he dashed into the forest.
So there's a lot of notes.
There's a lot going on.
Dumbgeons and Dragons is a Dumb Dragons production.